About that money thang

I promised myself I would write something more about our decision to ask for money to go to Rome. Actually – to get Troy to Rome.

I have thought about this A LOT and I am having a hard time talking about it.

It was a ridiculously difficult decision, fraught with anxiety. It was most certainly a “last ditch” idea. The credit cards are maxed out. The savings is gone. We even considered borrowing more money – either against our home equity or our teeny little retirement plans. Both ideas seemed incredibly stupid and risky. And we sealed ourselves against it when Troy said, “if one of our cars dies right now, we’ll have to borrow against those to replace it.” Besides, we still have a roof to build over the garage and a front sidewalk to put in. We just can’t tie up our absolute last assets in the world for a discretionary expense – not when there are old cars, appliance mishaps and tornadoes lurking out there. And, oh my goodness, have we not proven there can ALWAYS be something more to go wrong? ALWAYS????

It was hard for me to accept that we don’t have the money. (A little easier today when I tried to use a credit card and it was rejected. I think it’s been about eight years since that has happened to me. It sucks when reality jumps up and slaps you in face.) I made up my mind about three minutes after I won the trip that Troy was going with me – come hell or high water. I never gave much thought to WHERE the money would come from. I’ve been way too out of the financial loop (ok, the LIFE loop) to know how bad things were. Plus, I think Troy thought for a few days we might be able to swing it. Not so.

Anyway, I felt (still feel) like he needed to go with me – for my sake, for our sake. I want him with me for about 1,000 reasons, not the least of which is that I love him. Neither one of us has ever stepped foot outside of this continent. (I could say country, but I’ve been to Canada a few times.) And in my list of regrets when I was diagnosed with stupid breast cancer, my two giant regrets were not traveling more (Italy was mentioned by name) and not having more kids, in that order.

I may not be able to have more kids, but I hedged my bets. I had fertility treatments. Heck, that’s why the credit cards are maxed out. I know a lot more about adoption, too. So, I’m pretty well certain I can get me some more little rug rats when the time comes. Regret #2, wiped from the list.

Then, I won a freaking trip to Italy.

Providence? Karma? Chaos theory?

I don’t know! I won a trip to Italy!

I never imagined traveling without the love of my life. It made me sick and wildly depressed when I thought that’s what was going to happen. And, right now, I can’t even imagine physically being able to do it without him, let alone emotionally. So we asked for money. I’m kind of embarrassed. In my adult life, I think I have borrowed from someone other than a bank something more than lunch money maybe twice. I don’t think I’ve ever asked for someone to just give me money – at least not over $20!

And I’m utterly, impossibly grateful for what you have sent. Every check has made me weepy. The first note I got made me start crying so hard I had to hand it to Troy, so he could understand it was good news, not bad. My voice has cracked and I’ve had one of those “extended pauses” where you pull yourself together on every single letter we’ve received. Every one. You have no idea how grateful I am. No idea.

We are very close to getting the money we need. We have to write the check by Aug. 1. (I think after that deadline there is a penalty, if there is space available. But I’m not 100% sure on those details. I’ve been out of it since we asked for money, so I haven’t gotten the whole reservation scoop yet.) The total for the trip is around $2,900 with taxes. And people have pledged $2,130 to us. We’ve received $1,480!

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Grazie!

Author: rosie

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